I Love Valentines Day

I know what you’re saying in your head,  I can feel the thoughts flowing out like an ocean of confusion.

You’re thinking that I, a guy who makes jokes that are sometimes off-color, misogynistic, maybe even a little bit rapey can’t possibly love a pure, emotion driven holiday such as Valentines Day.

You couldn’t be more wrong.

The holiday combines three of my favorite things: Women, Suits and Attention.

Seriously, to those people who hate the holiday or think it’s all commercialized shit, you’re bitter.

I know, pot calling the kettle black right?

Maybe.

But I’m very bitter, I can smell my own.

What really confuses me are women who don’t like Valentine’s Day. I mean, to me it’s comparable to women who don’t like to receive oral sex. It’s designed solely for your pleasure and to show appreciation to you. Why wouldn’t you like that? I know why, for the same reasons I don’t like the breakfast food at Pano’s. I’ve never had a good one.

That has to be it. Valentine’s Day, like birthdays, like Christmas, is designed to allow someone to decide how much they care you someone else and show it in a way to which they hope will be appreciated and not ignored.

People don’t embrace it because it’s more specific than those other two though. There is a large number of possibilities of gifts from people on those occasions that are family, friends, etc.

Valentine’s Day is very significant other specific.

If you get a card from your friend or a family member or co-worker, that’s nice, but not the same and vice versa.

If you’re lonely, I don’t see why this holiday is anything else but a motivation to find somebody.

There are so many avenues to meet people these days the idea of not getting a date is insane. Either people are too insecure, to arrogant or too picky. Either way, if you are those things, you’re the only one at fault for being lonely.

I’m so sick of people complaining about hating this holiday.

Everyone who doesn’t like this holiday should be forced to congregate at a community center like they treat the pedophiles at Halloween. Then maybe start that building on fire.

Stop fucking up my good time with you’re self-imposed exile from love and holier than thou attitude get in a relationship and try and be happy.